The Last Word
By Joseph Chen | Posted: Tuesday March 18, 2025
What are your goals this year?
That’s a question I’m sure you’re used to hearing. Since primary school, we’ve all been told that we need to set goals for ourselves. Things to strive for, to aim at, in all aspects of life. This isn’t just limited to sports or academics - a goal could be to break a bad habit or be a better friend. So how do you set healthy goals?
Make sure you’re doing it for you, not someone else. Some people are very self-driven and know exactly what they want. Others find themselves drifting aimlessly in the sea of life. Maybe you don’t know what you want or feel the need to live up to others' expectations of you. It’s easy to end up trying to meet the goals that your parents, teachers, or coaches want you to achieve, rather than your own. But why should you? In Bruce Lee’s words: “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” Regardless of the potential others see in you, ultimately, you are in charge of your life and have to make your own decisions.
At the end of Year 8, I made the decision to move to Otago Boys’ High School, away from all my friends, to a place where I knew a grand total of 3 people. Or rather, my dad made the decision, while I sat and put on a smile while he talked me into it. His goal for me was to thrive in a more competitive environment, instead of cruising in my comfort zone. Trying to meet my dad’s expectations, instead of my own, left me miserable for my first two terms in Year 9.
My negative experience at the start of my OBHS days didn’t last, and I have to admit that it’s helped shape me into who I am today. It took perseverance to get through this tough time. Healthy communication with my dad to adjust expectations was equally important. Sometimes, you may need to tweak your goals as powering through adversity won’t always work.
Be careful with goals you don’t govern. Certain goals, like being selected for a rep team or achieving a high mark in an exam, have elements that you can’t control. In these cases, it’s important to manage your expectations. People often fall into the trap of expecting to achieve their goals, rather than aiming for them. Aims are targets that you’d like to achieve; expectations are goals you believe that you will achieve. No amount of believing can change outcomes, so why do it? Take team selection as an example. You can work your heart out to perform well on the day and still be left disappointed when the team selectors decide that they liked another guy better. Be proud that you’ve performed well, and know you’ve done all you could.
Don’t be afraid to fail and fall short of your goals. Aiming high and falling short is better than not trying at all. As Michael Jordan once said, "I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." I haven’t met a Year 13 leaver that’s said their biggest regret at school was aiming too high. They might say they were too scared to try something new, or didn’t invest enough time into something they really enjoyed. In both instances, a fear of failure held them back.
I wish you all the best in achieving your goals this year. I hope my words can guide you to set healthier goals and manage expectations better. As is tradition, I’ll end with a quote. “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Zig Ziglar
