A message from the Rector

By Richard Hall | Posted: Thursday March 6, 2025

At this week's senior assembly, we discussed the importance of emotional intelligence - something I am accused sometimes of not knowing much about!

But I do. 

In boys the development of EI (or as it is most often known, maturity), definitely happens later than with girls. The emotional development of a boy often comes through trial and error, through both small and significant mistakes, and sadly through real hurt. It cannot be avoided, and to try to shield a boy from the real world can be a serious mistake.

A boy's feelings are no less powerful than a girl’s, and the centuries-old notion of 'harden up' - the idea to not show your feelings or to bottle them up - is alive and well in young men. Challenging this takes time. It also takes care, and it takes consistent talking. As a parent the one thing that I think is your job is to be consistent in the opportunities you offer for talking. Now I know that talking and boys often do not go together, but smart, short, pointed and humorous chats go a long way. Forget, with many, trying to get the hour long exploration of their feelings, instead go for the short, straight response. Sharing of stories is the most powerful way to make that connection.

And remind them to always breathe first. The assembly showed various tools that they could use.

This week I re-read parts of Andrew Reinner's book Better Boys, Better Men. His thoughts on emotional resiliency and the connection to his school are powerful. Andrew writes that no other circle of boys' lives is as central and defining as school. It's where most children spend a large part of their days, and it's where most of their early development occurs. He writes that the real hero's journey - where boys each find their place - remains vital today. Encouraging your child to be a hero through understanding and controlling his emotional responses is important.