The Last Word

By Fergus Oberlin Brown | Posted: Tuesday October 15, 2024

I want to talk to you about dealing with pressure.

When managed well, pressure can be a powerful motivator. It can push you to achieve things you never thought possible. But if not handled carefully, it can lead to overwhelming stress and even depression.

Pressure comes from many sources. It can be external - expectations from friends, family, or society. Or it can be internal - the expectations we place on ourselves.

I want you to take a moment, to think about the biggest expectation that’s been placed on you. Now, ask yourself: where did that expectation come from? 

For most of you, I bet it came from something positive, maybe a compliment someone gave you. I know that’s true for me. We all thrive on feedback from others. Deep down, everyone in this room cares about how others see them. It’s human nature. But often, without realising it, we turn those compliments into pressure. We start overthinking, and what was meant as encouragement becomes a source of stress.

I’ve experienced this first hand with tennis. Over the past eight years, I’ve played competitively. For those who don’t know, tennis has a ranking system where everyone gets assigned a rank that’s publicly available. In the beginning, I loved the sport. I looked forward to every game and training session. But as my ranking improved, things started to change. I received more and more compliments: “You’re playing so well,” “Your ranking is higher,” “You’re improving so much,” or “You’re way better than him now.” Although these were meant as genuine compliments, I started to turn them into pressure. Before every match, I would check my opponent's ranking, and if it was lower than mine, I couldn’t stop thinking, “I have to win this match, or everyone will be disappointed.” That mindset actually made me play worse. I began losing to players I should have beaten, and more importantly, I lost my love for the game. I dreaded matches, worrying too much about my ranking and disappointing others. I even considered quitting multiple times. About a year ago, I had a realisation: what others thought didn’t matter. I started focusing on having fun and being happy with myself.

As I said earlier, pressure can be good, but not when it’s driven by fear of failure and embarrassment. Over time, I’ve come to understand that there are two main types of pressure: the kind that comes from fear - like what I felt in tennis and the kind that comes from within, from a genuine drive to achieve something for yourself. 

If we can stop turning compliments into pressure from fear of failure and start focusing on building that internal drive to achieve our own goals, I promise you, everyone here will become much more successful.

The best way I’ve found to build that drive is by setting clear goals. Write down what you want to achieve, whether it’s in your sport, academics, or any other area. You could make a note on your phone or keep a small notebook with specific goals. Then, map out the steps you need to take to reach those goals. Along the way, when people compliment you on your progress, take it as it’s meant - as encouragement, not as pressure. This is what I’ve done for hockey this year, and I’m proud to say it’s worked. I’ve trained hard, kept my enjoyment alive, and stayed motivated by my personal goals, without being weighed down by fear of failure. Instead, I’m driven by a passion to improve and succeed on my own terms.

Before I go, I want to show you guys a simple but powerful way to reset and deal with pressure if you ever feel stressed. At first, I thought it was silly, but when I tried it, I realised it genuinely helped me feel less stressed. Andrew Huberman, a well-known neuroscientist, said the quickest way to de-stress in real time is the physiological sigh. So, let's try it together.

"Take a deep breath in through your nose until your lungs feel completely full. Then sneak in a little more air through your nose. Now, exhale slowly through your mouth. Simple, but very effective."

In true OBHS fashion I’ll finish with a short and very popular quote. “Trust the process.” Sam Hinkie.

Thanks for listening, boys.