The Last Word
By Teddy Finney-Waters | Posted: Monday September 4, 2023
An ego is an interesting thing.
Cambridge University defines ego as “your idea or opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own importance and ability”, while the top result on a Google search labels the idea as “an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others”, two entirely different explanations for a concept that isn’t tangible, and yet present in our day to day interactions. As young men, this term is often used to describe us, and it can be quite confusing to unpack the meaning it holds. When someone calls you out for your ego, are they complimenting you for your secure sense of self? Or are they accusing you of being a self-superior, self-obsessed narcissist? This is where the line gets blurred between self-confidence and ego.
Self-confidence is far easier to understand. It is a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement, and I am a firm believer that it is beneficial to hold more self-confidence rather than less. We have all been told that it doesn’t matter how many times we get knocked down as long as we always get up again, and self-confidence - the trust in your abilities, skills, relationships, or intelligence - is the key to fulfilling this motto throughout our lives. The difference between ego and self-confidence is that, while confidence will give you the determination and strength to persevere through the inevitable challenges of life, an inflated ego will restrict you from developing into a more experienced and skillful character, inflicting more damage than help.
I am sure this sounds like a hypocritical speech topic seeing as I probably have one of the largest egos in this room, but luckily, my big-headedness has given me ample opportunity to explore and reflect on the negative effects of such superior thoughts.
Last Saturday, I was gifted the opportunity to have a singing lesson with one of Otago University’s most prestigious and outstanding Music Professors - Terrance Dennis. Now, this man has accompanied and performed with some of the world’s greatest singers, so it was no small privilege to be introduced to him and listen to his advice while only being a 17-year-old high school student. With all this being said, I walked into that lesson with not only self-confidence in my ability to stand on stage and perform for him, but for some reason, the completely egotistical and superiority-complexed thoughts that he was going be so amazed by my voice and talent that he would have no advice to give. Was this likely to happen? No. Was my singing flawless? Definitely not. Would that “perfect” scenario have benefitted me in anyway? Absolutely not, as I would have learned and achieved nothing but an even more inflated ego.
Funnily enough, this world-renowned Musician had some constructive criticisms of my performance and notified me about areas I could improve on, and this was enough to spiral me into an all-too-common experience that I like to call: Ego Death. All delusional hopes for the lesson were killed, and instead, I was greeted with an array of catastrophic thoughts, including “There is too much that I don’t know”, “I’ll never be good enough”, “I might as well give up now and pursue something sensible”. At the hand of my ego, I experienced a dramatic mood swing between two equally irrational emotions, all in the space of 5 minutes.
While this example of the tremendous effect that an overly inflated ego can have makes for a humorous story, there are little to no benefits. It was only after a day had passed and I decided to take on board some of Terrance’s advice that I made any progress through this experience. Although it is fun to go about life with the belief that you are “the G.O.A.T.”, it is clear to see that this mindset only gets in the way of learning and delays the time between one crushing reality check and the next. I’m sure you’ve all had similar moments of “Ego Death” (possibly not to the same scale), whether you were overly optimistic about a calculus test’s result, or assumed your place in a 1sts team was guaranteed, and I’ve come to the conclusion that ego is actually the home to laziness. When we cannot be bothered working for our goals, our overconfident ego assumes that we have done enough, so we take a backseat and barrel towards disappointment.
To combat the fixed mindset which ego creates, I implore you all to take on board the less exciting, but more rewarding concept of having a “growth mindset”. This idea involves replacing the belief that our abilities are unchangeable and cannot improve with an acknowledgment that the challenges we currently face may seem daunting or overwhelming, but can be overcome when we put the lazy and stubborn voice of our ego aside and consistently take the next step forward - instead of thinking “I can’t do this,” think “I can’t do it yet.” Go back over that Calculus test and properly solve one of the questions you missed or show up to that 2nds training and give it your all, appreciating that criticism and failure bring opportunity for growth and learning. It’s not about going from 0 - 100 in one day, but just making a self-confident start and the results will bring far more success and enjoyment than any egotistical thinking can.
To finish, I will quote Charlie Mackesy’s novel “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse”:
A boy and a horse are in the woods.
“I can’t see a way through,” said the boy.
“Can you see the next step?”
“Yes”
“Just take that,” said the Horse.
