The Last Word
By Matthew Bolter | Posted: Wednesday October 25, 2023
Since starting Otago Boys' I have run over 8000 kilometres.
Many see running as something that comes easily to me, however, for as much enjoyment as it has given me it has also presented some of my larger mental challenges over the last five years. It would be untrue to say that I enjoy it 100% of the time, but it is challenges like these that have helped me to grow and appreciate the sport and other aspects of my life.
Like many other sports and activities, running can easily lead you into the 'comparison trap'. Competing as an individual, it's easy to begin paying attention to the training and performances of others. Soon enough you are comparing your times to your competitors, letting that be a determinant to whether you ran well. This takes the reward out of sport, as it is no longer about your personal improvements. Sure, it is important to know the field you are competing against, but ultimately that doesn't need to be the sole metric to measure against. This applies to most things in life. We are ranked in high school and university for our academics, in our sports, and in our jobs. Whether we like it or not, there is always some element of competition. Constantly comparing yourself to others however, disregards the fact that we are all individuals. We all have different talents, different goals and improve at different rates. It is important to pause sometimes and remember where your own journey is directed, not others. Comparison can be the thief of joy in what we do. Measure your improvement against yourself before ever worrying about others. You are the only one in your life that you have control over.
When I look back, what felt like one of my more significant failures was this years New Zealand secondary schools cross country championships. Back in February, I decided I would try and qualify for the NZ secondary schools cross country team. As track season came to a close, I began my preparations. I upped my mileage, worked on my strength, made sure I was getting as many nutrients as possible and focused on sleeping well. These efforts translated quickly into my regional racing, with improvements on my fitness indicating that I was likely closing in on the ability needed for a top ten spot. However this intense focus also left me highly strung. Making the NZ team was somewhat of a be all and end all of my cross country season. It was priority that very much weighed on me. Furthermore, when I heard I'd missed out on an award I'd aimed for since year nine, the pressure suddenly mounted. Not only did I need to prove myself to me, but also to my school and peers. Thoughts of top ten turned into top five or even placing. By placing so much importance on my goal, I lost sight of it. And so on the day of the NZ championships, I did get in the top 5, for the first kilometre of six. Blasting the start I forgot about tactics I'd planned and where my fitness really was, letting my thoughts of being in the top few dominate. Soon enough, my legs became lead and I slowed to finish 32nd. I fell well short of the top ten needed to represent the country.
This was a significant lesson in not neglecting the mental side of anything I do. Under the well-being model of Hauora, both the physical aspect Taha Tinana and mental Taha Hinengaro are needed together for wellbeing. Maybe I showed up with the physical capability of top ten that day, but definitely not the mental. It is important to find strategies that work for you in limiting stress. Don't make any goal become a sole focus in your life. Have multiple and be prepared for them to not work out. I made my cross country goal so important that when I fell short, running went though a short period where it felt meaningless. I found it hard when people would congratulate me for my performance, when I knew that I had run far from my best. So much of what we think is internalised and others often can't relate to how we feel. This can make dealing with disappointment hard. When these times strike, it is important to zoom out. Appreciate where you've gone wrong or could have improved, and incorporate this into your next goals. Make sure what you are doing, you do because you enjoy. If you never get to where you want to in your job, sport or academics, at least you can feel you enjoyed the process along the way. We have decades of success and failures ahead of us, so it is important to go about these well.
The last lesson I have learned from this sport is to make sure to reflect. Humans are incredibly relative creatures. We can often find ourselves chasing the next goal, forgetting how far we've already come. For many of us, a constant drive to improve means we want to be better than we are right now, whether that be in academics, sport, cultural pursuits or character. To an extent, this is a healthy thought process as it keeps us motivated and focused. However it can also make our endeavours somewhat unfulfilling. For me, when I achieve a goal, it suddenly becomes far less rewarding. Something I was incapable of before I started working towards it becomes realistic so my sites automatically get set further forward. This turns the performance into almost an expectation and ignores the journey done to get there. When we set a goal, it is from the perspective of someone who isn't able to achieve it at that instant. When we do achieve that goal, we see it from the perspective of someone who is able to do it. Feats we find most impressive are the ones we can't do ourselves, thus successfully doing what we set out to instantly becomes less impressive to ourselves. And so, in particular for Year 13's, stop for a moment and forget about what you want to achieve in these upcoming exams, next year or next decade. Instead, think about everything you have achieved. How would your Year 11 self react, how would your Year 9 self react? Viewing your successes from the perspective of the person who set the goals, not achieved them helps to make it a more rewarding experience.
As I look back on the 8000km at OBHS, what stands out more than the successes is the failures. This is a good thing, for it is the failures that actually make us better and stick with us for the lessons they give. We are all on different paths, heading different places at different rates. It is important to remember that measuring success and progress on our journey should be personal to us. Make mistakes, and learn from them. Don't forget to pause and appreciate what you've accomplished and who you've become. To quote Johnny Cash "build on failure. Use it as a stepping stone and close that door. Don't try to forget the mistakes, but don't dwell on it."
